How to deal with the difficult father-in-law - Telegraph
Want your marriage to survive the in-law wars? This means you will have to deal with any outstanding issues you have with your parents. One of the top 4 issues that couples fight most about is in-laws. (The other 3 are money, sex and children). Relationships with parents, especially mothers, can. A few months ago, I ran a post about in-laws and the marriage Jean's mom and dad, Jerry and Pat, were married for over 58 years before . I would ask whether you experienced similar issues with your He told he never wanted to date me again because I wanted him to give his grandkids up for me.
Further, you both must present a united front to both families, making it clear from the beginning that your spouse comes first. In couples where this allegiance did not happen, marital problems swiftly followed. In fact, some of the bitterest disputes occurred over a spouse's failure to support his or her partner.
When I asked Erin, 66, to describe a conflict that came up in her marriage, she didn't hesitate: Oh yeah, his mother. A lot of conflict. I had the impression she didn't like me very much. I could live with that, but my husband never stuck up for me, so we fought about it.
The apron strings were tied to him, and you just didn't go against Mommy. And we fought about it because he would say, "Oh you're crazy, she never said that. And after it was over I'd say, you know, how stupid we're arguing about this, God forbid we get divorced over her.
My husband would never say anything like "Hey mom, that's my wife, cool it. So when there is conflict between your family and your spouse, don't feel caught in the middle, because your place is on your spouse's side.
To do otherwise is to undermine the trust that is the underpinning of your marriage. Remind yourself why you are doing it.
How to gracefully navigate in-laws from hell
This tip from the elders is one that many have used like a mantra in difficult in-law situations. You are used to putting up with your own relatives and you have accommodated to their quirks and foibles. But now you have to do it all over again. The closest thing to a "magic bullet" for motivating yourself to put the effort into in-law relations, the elders tell us, is to remember that you are doing it because you love your spouse.
Most important, by staying on good terms with his or her relatives, you are honoring and promoting your relationship in one of the best ways possible. Gwen, 94 and married 67 years, puts it clearly: You may not like your mother-in-law or your father-in-law or your in-laws very much but you certainly can love them and stay close to them. Remember that they're your loved one's family.
How to gracefully navigate in-laws from hell - HelloGiggles
I learned to love them. I mean, I loved them because they were my husband's parents and I loved him. Eliminate politics from discussion. Here's a specific tip that could not be more relevant during this election season: Keep political arguments out of in-law relations.
It can be the biggest bomb in the minefield, and the elders say that these conflicts are unnecessary.
There is simply no need to attempt to engage your in-laws in political debates or to convert them. Often, the urge is to make parents-in-law "really understand" what's going on in society and to show them how irrational or wrong-headed they are politically.
I heard many accounts of holiday dinners and family gatherings disrupted by debates over the President, the Congress, abortion, the death penalty, and on and on. According to the elders, you may not be able to avoid conflict over your in-laws' disapproval of your marriage, your job, your lifestyle, or how you raise your children.TVF's How To Train Your Son - Arranged Dating
Agree with your partner that you want to work together to make sure that your relationship is protected from problems with your in-laws First and foremost, talk with your partner and reach agreement that you want to work together to make sure that your relationship is protected from problems with your in-laws. Discuss your relationship with each set of in-laws and decide on some common, albeit maybe not equal, guidelines for contact.
Have a belief in your partner that you both want the same thing for your relationship and that, together, you can figure out a way to make this work. Your partner cannot help their behavior. He or she may not be standing up to them in the way you would like. That is something you should lovingly discuss. It is also entirely possible that your approach may not the best one either. There well may be times when you need to talk about a problem with your in-law alone or together.
Think about your approach and find a way to begin it in a soft way. If you are the one who has a partner with a complaint about your parents, try to listen with an open mind.
He or she may not have a full or empathetic understanding; however, your first job is to understand your partner and let him or her know that you are in this relationship together and it is a priority.
Be sure to stick up for your partner if your parents criticize him or her. Let your parents know that you two are a team and it is not okay for them to complain to you or be rude or disrespectful to your partner. Consider the possibility that you may just have to find ways to develop more empathy for your in-laws. Could the problem be more with you then with your in-laws? Could you be too sensitive?
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- How to deal with... the difficult father-in-law
They reared and are connected to the person that you love. If there are children involved, you want your children to learn about and have connection with their heritage.
Do you feel threatened? Is their behavior truly destructive or simply different? Talk it over with your partner and, if you can do it gently, with your in-laws to get a better understanding of what this is about.
Empathy is important for any relationship. No one is perfect and it may be that you have to find ways to be tolerant of their differences and respect and accept them in spite of the differences. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Believe that they love your partner very much as you do.