How to pick and choose your battles in a relationship

7 Tips to Choose Your Battles and Fight for What Matters | Personal Excellence

how to pick and choose your battles in a relationship

Choose your battles means to pick your fights and deal with the most meaningful issues. Here are 7 tips to choose your battles and fight for what matters!. It's important to pick and choose your battles when bringing up things that your relationship has and that your partner does, as opposed to. Choose Your Battles: Fighting Less in Relationships harboring resentment or anger, but instead of expressing what you really feel, you pick at the little things.

A few years ago, I signed a contract with a company to produce a product. After pushing away all my projects and dedicating a good half of my year to work on this, I successfully delivered the product and it received great reviews from customers. However, even though this company was supposed to market the product, they gradually stopped supporting it without informing me. When I followed up on this matter — multiple times — they promised to do something but nothing was ever done.

While I was very angry initially, especially when the company went dark in my subsequent attempts to follow up, I decided not to pursue the matter.

The reason is that even though the company is clearly at fault, there was little for me to gain in pursuing this further. Firstly, the company had already gone dark on me, which meant that any further attempts to pursue the matter would be difficult.

Thirdly, even if I had my way and the company reinstated marketing support, it would at most increase my revenue by like 5 percent. For me, it was easier to achieve this goal by launching a new product that I would have full rights torather than trying to force a response out of this company. No, not at all. Sometimes you want to pick a battle to make a statement.

Learning How To Pick Your Battles In Relationships

Every situation is different, so weigh the costs and benefits before deciding what to do. Advertisement 3 Go for win-win, not win-lose Should you decide to pick the battle, work toward a win-win situation where both of you will emerge victorious.

Some of you may be surprised by my suggestion. The reason is simple: This needs to first come from an abundance mindset, not a scarcity one. On the other hand, when you focus on win-win for everyone, you attract opportunities and abundance. You also share positivity and love with others. What is the scenario where everyone will win? When we act based on our vision of success, we are shutting the other person out without listening to what they want. To achieve a win-win, hear them out and discuss the best outcome for both of you.

She feels that she has put her ideal life on hold in caring for the family, without much help from her husband. This was a surprising revelation as she has not been consciously thinking this way; it just came out during our call.

Have you ever talked to him about this? I encouraged her to talk to her husband about this, which she did.


He reaffirmed his care and support for her and they agreed to find ways to earn more money and share the household responsibility, rather than letting her take all the burden.

This subsequently brought them closer together.

7 Tips to Choose Your Battles and Fight for What Matters

Her husband would still be clueless as to what is going on, and the original conflict would remain unsolved. In the end, everyone loses. Here are some tips to have an open discussion: Advertisement Seek to understand. Everyone has different views, and you want to understand what their views are.

Understand what they are and why the person thinks that way. Bridge the divide by sharing your thoughts first. Then, invite the person to share their views. Ensure that each of you has an equal chance to share your views, to ask questions, and to understand each other.

how to pick and choose your battles in a relationship

Be supportive as the other person is sharing their views. Nod, acknowledge what they are saying, and thank them. Brainstorm the best solution. Make it clear that you care about the other person and you want to create a win-win outcome for everyone. Work together to brainstorm the best solution, given both your needs.

The enemy here is the conflict at hand, not the other person. Yet, when in a conflict, it can be hard to remain conscious. Unaired grievances may open up. You may feel like attacking the other person, even if you logically know that this is not the goal. You may also feel like abandoning this battle too if the person is not cooperative. I have some tips to manage this: No one can hurt you or take you away from this place unless you let them.

If there are hurtful words hurled at you, try times to engage in a peaceful way. This quote by Rene Descartes comes to mind: Time to cut my losses and move on. While this is not a lot of money in the States, this amount goes a long way in Bali.

3 Ways to Choose Your Battles in Marriage - wikiHow

I was glad to do so as it was getting draining dealing with the issue. Eventually, she found a job with better pay and work conditions. On the other hand, if she focused on feeling unhappy and angry with her co-workers, she would never have found her new job. Solve the problem together.

View your partner as your teammate, not your enemy. When you view the situation through that lens, you change the dynamic of the argument.

how to pick and choose your battles in a relationship

Look in the mirror. Never minimize or cover up your mistakes. Most times, both parties contribute to the problem. Take responsibility for your part, acknowledge your errors and work toward a compromise.

Have a respectful conversation. If the situation becomes too tense, take a break. A little prevention goes a long way.

  • Expert Tips for Picking Your Relationship Battles Wisely
  • Picking and Choosing Your Battles

Address the situation as soon as you see an issue arise. Be proactive in your approach. Some arguments are simply a difference in perspective. Discuss your issue in person. Disagreements are best addressed face-to-face.

Body language and facial expressions help to convey your meaning. Emails and phone conversations can be misinterpreted and may extend the argument unnecessarily. Choose your words carefully.

Listen attentively and speak respectfully. Watch what you say and how you say it. Once your words leave your mouth, you can never take them back. Seek help when necessary. Some issues seem to large to solve. Sometimes a counselor or mediator can shed light on the situation and keep your love alive.