Grandmother Barbara Graham talked to mothers-in-law across the country about the often-strained relationship and penned a book about the. Tips to solve the common marriage problem of dealing with in-laws. Any of these things can cause rifts in in-law relationships. they either accept you and your involvement or they spend less time with their son or daughter. Your relationship with your daughter-in-law will depend on a multitude of factors such as: Her own . "Family work is never a quick fix but takes time." "You can.
Be open-minded when you meet her for the first time If you're meeting a prospective daughter-in-lawsomeone that your son may be very serious about, her first impression of you will be just as important as your first impression of her.
How to build a positive relationship with your daughter-in-law
The likelihood of this running smoothly and without any forced effort on your part will, of course, also depend on the kind of person she is and whether or not she is willing to get to know you. This may not be apparent at first - she could be shy, reserved, holding back - but if feelings do eventually prove to be mutual and she shows interest, then be sure to approach the possibility of spending some time with her. Be involved, be trustworthy and be approachable The best relationships are built out of trust, openness and excellent communication.
Being on hand to offer support and advice when needed and without reservation will ensure that your daughter-in-law views you as someone she can rely on. Build from his happiness and try to see and appreciate the positives in her and let her know that you see them. She is trying to find her feet in a different family than she is used to. Help her feel like she belongs in your family. Understand that strong relationships take time to build Building a positive relationship is something that you'll need to work on, however much you'd like it to blossom overnight.
Your relationship with your daughter-in-law will depend on a multitude of factors such as: Your willingness to open yourself up and to trust her, and vice versa. The geographical distance between the two of you. How close you are to your own child her partner. Whether or not you're a grandparent. Spend some quality time with her This could be as simple as inviting her over for a coffee, going out for lunch, taking part in an activity together, going for an afternoon stroll or maybe even arranging a day trip for the two of you.
It may seem daunting getting to know a person who means so much to your adult child, but involving them in helping to build your relationship with your daughter-in-law may make you more relaxed and prove to your daughter-in-law that you want to have a strong and positive relationship with her.
This may be something that she's been worrying about. When they moved many miles away to live near her parents, I phoned my daughter-in-law every month to see how she was and to ask how they were. After a while, she began to phone me too.
I had also babysat my eldest grandson one day a week before they moved away. I also made sure before they moved away that I was supportive of my daughter-in-law. I never thought I would find her easier to talk to than my daughters. Does he have days off?
Mending Grandmother, Daughter-in-Law Relationships - ABC News
Could he see you with your daughter-in-law after work or during the weekend? Accept her flaws and respect her opinions No one is perfect, so there will undoubtedly be moments when your daughter-in-law presents herself in an unfavourable light or holds certain opinions that you may not agree with, whether it's to do with your adult child, your politics, your way of handling tricky situations or even your grandchildren.
The important thing is to retain her trust and confidence and don't overstep the mark as it may damage your hopes of building a solid relationship. Realise that you don't always have to see eye to eye The probability of you and your daughter-in-law agreeing on everything is, unfortunately, pretty slim, but as long as you come to recognise this fact and deal with any frustrations in a calm and rational way, it'll help you to build a positive relationship based on love and acceptance.
If you are a grandparent, it is important for you to be there as much as you can for your grandchildren, but also important, as a mother-in-law, for you to be there for your daughter-in-law.
Be supportive and let her know that you're there if ever she needs someone to talk to. This can be invaluable for new mums in particular. Remember that she must also be willing to respect you It works both ways, after all. Relationships take two, so it is vital that your daughter-in-law offers you the same level of respect that she would expect in return.
If this looks unlikely or you find yourself struggling to break the ice or receive the respect that you deserve, approach her and try to resolve the issue first-hand or talk to your son or daughter to see if they have any insight into why she is behaving in this way and what you or they could do about it.
Difficult daughter-in-law? How do you build a positive relationship with her?
Communication is the true measure of any relationship. Recognise your own flaws Self-awareness is key to building and maintaining relationships of any kind, so be mindful of how you behave and express yourself, and what you may need to work on as an individual.
This may be difficult if you find yourself disagreeing with your daughter-in-law, no matter the situation, but knowing yourself and knowing when to take a step back are important skills to possess. I think I spent most of the time washing up, ironing and generally helping. I offer advice, but only if it's something I found worked for me in the past.
I know that my daughter-in-law does not feel afraid to ask for help when she needs it. Avoid any conflict where possible A tricky one, admittedly, but do-able. Daughter-in-law conflict could stem from a variety of different sources including: Sharing different ideas and opinions.
An urge to step in if you feel your adult child is being treated badly. The idea that you will 'lose' your son or daughter to another person. Your daughter-in-law not feeling part of the family, even if you make efforts to include her. Miscommunication especially perceiving something in a way that wasn't intended. Nervousness and awkwardness on either side. Get the latest lifestyle tips delivered straight to your inbox Communicate How can you avoid conflict with a difficult daughter-in-law?
And why is it necessary? It turns out clear communication with your daughter-in-law can make a positive impact on your relationship with her. Communication is important, but knowing what and how to say it is even more so. Planning what you want to say before you say it will ensure that you have a clear mind, approach the topic with ease and allow you to stay calm throughout.
Some may argue that steering clear altogether and making do is the best route to take, but only you can judge the situation at hand and make a decision that you're happy with.
Mending Grandmother, Daughter-in-Law Relationships
Keep schtum when necessary It's easy to get riled up over something you disagree with it happens to everyone and your instinct to shout the house down may trump your better judgement on more counts than you care to mention, but knowing when to take a step back and hold your tongue could be a life-saver when it comes to potential daughter-in-law conflict.
Take some time to reflect on what's bothering you and what you can do about it, rather than outwardly disagreeing or making an impromptu decision that may hinder your relationship with your daughter-in-law. Respect their privacy If you want to avoid daughter-in-law problems, take steps to ensure that you give your son and daughter-in-law space to prioritise their own relationship.
Barbara said that what was once a close and loving relationship with her son changed dramatically when her daughter-in-law entered the picture, and then went from bad to worse after her granddaughter was born.
Play null Her daughter-in-law would complain to her son about the way she cared for her granddaughter during their visits, Barbara said. Eventually, the tension escalated to a level where, Barbara and her husband Doug say, they have no contact with their son's family, although they live 10 minutes apart.
She doesn't want her children seeing me. And he walked out the door. I don't know how to be a half a mother, you know? Another grandmother, Barbara Graham, chronicled such pleasures and perils of being a grandmother in her book "Eye of My Heart.
Key to Successful Relationship: Respect Barbara's daughter-in-law says she did not respect her or her parenting decisions. In an e-mail to "Good Morning America," she and her husband said Barbara often spoke negatively to her son about his wife, but they claim it was a separate argument with her son that led to the current estrangement.
They insist they never said that Barbara and Doug could not see their children, but they say they want the visits to be on their terms. Graham said this family is hardly the only one experiencing the strain. And with that kind of power, I can very easily exclude my in-laws if I chose to.